My Daily Mantra

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It’s the first thing I say in the morning, and the last thing I focus on at night. During the day, when things don’t feel “quite right”; it becomes a mantra I chant to myself to somehow reassure myself that I still have my words. A bit OCD maybe.

 

Since my stroke I have been a bit paranoid about “losing my words”. The very first symp­tom that some­thing was wrong on March 11th, 2011 was the fact that all of a sud­den I couldn’t speak. Noth­ing but gib­ber­ish escaped my lips. This lasted for sev­eral min­utes. Even then, there was no indication I was in trou­ble. I was tongue tied, noth­ing more. I knew I should have been con­cerned, but for some rea­son, for the longest time, I wasn’t. Not one bit. I even went on to my next service call for the day.

 

Only then did I feel like some­thing was dras­ti­cally wrong. When peo­ple ask me about the symp­toms I had, I always describe it in terms of that woman on the telly report­ing from the Grammys who sud­denly started spouting non­sense. We all saw it, over and over. It was exactly the same for me. I had “lost my words”.

 

Now, I like to write, and one day I would love to see one of my nov­els on the shelves of some bookstore. It’s every writer’s dream to have peo­ple say how much they enjoyed something we’ve written. I’m not the great­est writer, and I don’t think I’m the worst either; but I AM a writer, and what a writer wants more than any­thing is to be read. (The money of Dan Brown would be kinda nice too!)

 

When I think back on how easily I “lost my words”, its a bit scary. What else could I lose? Does my mantra mean any­thing at all, is it even a valid test of my abil­i­ties? Hardly. But for now, it’s what I hold on to. Some that know me would argue that I could eas­ily go with­out speak­ing. True it may be, I’d rather not test it. But there is more to com­mu­ni­ca­tion than spo­ken words. I’m a writer, I write.

 

To “lose my words” would be undeniably hard.

 

So each day my mantra protects me.

 

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